Sue Is Justice
by Luunna
Summary: A female officer joins the Kira investigation with no consent from anyone present. An incredibly beautiful, talented, intelligent, young, overall perfect officer. EVERYONExOC LAWLZ. T, just in case. MarySue parody.
1. Chapter 1

**Sue is Justice**

**By: Luunna**

Summary: A female officer joins the Kira investigation with no consent from anyone present. An incredibly beautiful, talented, intelligent, young, overall perfect officer. EVERYONExOC LAWLZ.

Warnings: Mary-Sue Parody. I noticed there is no Mary-Sue parody for Death Note on but the fandom is far from Sue-free XD If there is, then I just couldn't find it. When I'm stuck in Dear Diary, I'll be writing here. If you haven't read it and you're an L fan… Go read it or something. Squiggles is a page break.

Death Note © Viz Media, Tsugumi Ohba, Takeshi Obata, and… uh… A bunch of other people who aren't me. Leave me alone.  
This story © Me/Luunna

Horrible Sue © Me/Luunna

It was an average day at the tower of Ryuzaki and the Kira case's residence. L was perched on his chair and eating a delicious piece of cake, his face sallow in the glow from the computer screen. Light worked on a computer beside him, dedicated to his job as always. Matsuda chattered mindlessly about a plethora of topics to anyone who happened to be in earshot. Who were, to their dismay, the rest of the Task Force.

Little did the men present know, this was to be the worst day of their lives.

The doors opened. The sound of clicking heels dragged Ryuzaki's focus away from his cake, Light's away from the keyboard and hushed Matsuda up. Because when shoes made noise, L reasoned, it meant they were girl's shoes. And what girl would be coming here?

"OH MY GOD, SHE'S BEAUTIFUL!!" A random, distant-sounding male voice yelled in the background. It seemed L was the only one to notice this: The others just stared at the newcomer mindlessly as the detective looked around quizzically for the one who yelled.

"I'm Tamayayukisakura Sarianokuramanamoon-Chan - " L frowned and returned from his search. Not only did this name make no sense, but you never usually added honorifics to your own name while introducing yourself. That meant this girl didn't know much about Japanese. " - And I've been assigned to the Kira case to help you all."

L's face remained in a set frown. Last he remembered, there was no Tama-whatever working in the Japanese Police. Scratch that, he was sure there was noone in all of Japan with a name that _dumb. _The detective glanced to Soichiro, and from his shocked look, he thought the same. Besides that, they were doing just fine. Since when, pray tell, did they need help?

"Well, I don't remember having anyone named Tamiyayukisakura Sarianokuramanamoon in the Japanese Police…" Soichiro pondered. He would've remembered a name so exotic. "Do you have any education as a police officer or detective?"

"No."

"Uh, experience?"

"No."

"Oh, well welcome aboard."

He had heard about things like this. Chasing helpless men with no shame. Being sickeningly perfect and infecting normal people with extreme out-of-character syndrome. Being right in all that they do.

Mary-Sue.

L glanced over his shoulder to see if his suspicions were true. Indeed, the girl was flawless. In his head, he found himself using ridiculously poetic words to describe her: White gold, soft waterfalls of hair wafting down to the modest length of her ankles, for example. Waterfalls? Wafting? He didn't believe to have ever used those words to describe hair. Ever. Besides that, hair passing your behind wasn't exactly a _modest _length

More came: Her orbs were a vibrant sapphire blue, throbbing with power and beauty. How could one's eyes throb with beauty, L wondered? And why, pray tell, did he use the word orbs? Upon examining her "police uniform," he found it quite unlike the dress code. She wore a blue jean jacket which was tight around her torso and torn in 'all the right places-' God, did he really just think that? - and her "pants" were barely there and tight around what they did cover. Which was very little. Handcuffs were clipped to her belt loop and a gun was holstered to her side.

She gasped and pointed to the slouching detective. "Ohmigod, is that you, Leon?!" L looked back in question. Leon? Since when was his name Leon? Light looked at the girl with interest, while Matsuda's brown eyes were as big as saucers.

L had decided he had better be kind to the Mary-Sue, for he didn't know what powers she possessed. "Are you speaking to me, miss?" He asked as courteously as he could. Her impossibly large eyes got larger and watered.

"Y-You don't remember me…?" Tamayayukisakura whimpered. "How could you not remember me, Leon? I was your childhood sweetheart… At the Wammy House…" L looked at her awkwardly, and before he could respond, Matsuda cut in.

"Aww, Ryuzaki had a girlfriend!" He fawned with a smile. "How cute!"

L silenced Tota with a terse, "Matsuda-San." Then he turned back to the girl claiming to know him, "I am sorry, but you must be mistaken. First off, I never had a … "childhood sweetheart." Second, my name is not Leon. And thirdly, the Wammy House was in England. Yet you have a name compiled of other Japanese names. I'm guessing this to mean you're Japanese. So somehow, as an orphan, you got from Japan to England to stay at the Wammy House." L had finished his rather lengthy explanation of his logic and was already slicing his next cake into cubes. "This is highly unlikely."

Because logic is the well-known enemy of the Mary-Sue, Tamayayukisakura had flounced off up the stairs around halfway through L's display of intelligence and searched for her room. Which would be whichever room she saw fit to claim. She didn't need _luggage_ or anything to live here. Oh no, because Tamayayukisakura is always naturally perfect. What_ever_ made you think otherwise?

As L started to bring a delicious cube of chocolate cake to his mouth, Matsuda started chattering again, "Wow, that girl sure is cute!"

Now, Light did something unthinkable. Completely out-of-character. Against the book, some may say. He giggled. "I know!!" This proceeded to puzzle all members of the Task Force into utter silence.

L was first to speak. "L-Light-Kun… What in the world possessed you to do that?" Before he could get an answer, he heard a melodic, songful voice behind him… Wait, songful? Was that a word? He wondered on this aridly as the task force crowded the monitors behind him. He stood and slowly walked to his chair,, cake in hand. Clearly not as eager as everyone else to see the new girl. He placed his feet on his swivel chair first, then settled his behind in the crook of his ankles. L cupped his thin hands over his kneecaps, as he was accustomed to doing.

On the monitor was Tamayaukisakura with a duffle bag. Where did she get the bag? L was positive she didn't have it before when she entered the tower. He also noticed a detail noone else, again, seemed to be keen on- L was just monitoring Misa's room. It was empty, but the detective was looking for anything she left there. Any clues at all. Why on EARTH had she chosen Amane's room? Otherwise, L was thoroughly annoyed at the song she sang. And it took quite a bit for the great detective to get annoyed.

"She's… Beautiful…" Ryuzaki heard Light say mindlessly behind him. He felt something drop on his shoulder. He looked, and lo and behold, Light was actually drooling. L looked up at him in question. He reasoned that from the way Light was acting and how she had addressed him, this Mary-Sue's target was either L or Light. He hoped her attention would shift soon- He rather disliked this new mentally challenged Light.

L looked back to the screen to see Tamayayukisakura removing something from her bag. What was she taking out? It looked black and roughly rectangular. Light tensed. Was this a Death Note?

…

No, it was just an irregularly-shaped bottle of hair gel. She giggled and placed it on the coffee table. Why would hair gel go on a coffee table? L had no idea either. She was also producing a number of trophies from nowhere. The bag's space was endless, it seemed. Good lord, it looked like she had a trophy for EVERYTHING. L leaned forward and typed in some coding to zoom in the camera on them as she set them up in a row, then read them aloud. "Cosmetology, Dog Training, Ms. Japan of 2000, Cooking, Best Author, Nobel Prize… Carrot-Peeling?" L shook his head in question, then zoomed out to see her clutching a pendant around her neck. Was that there before…?

"I need to help Leon… Even if he's forgotten me… Because I know who Kira is, Mom and Dad…" She started to sob. L rolled his eyes. Sure she knew who Kira was. Just like L was stupid enough to believe that his own name was Leon.

"That's so depressing…" Matsuda sympathized. Light was sobbing uncontrollably in depression for Tamayayukisakura. His father was comforting him. Really, L thought, it's not all that sad. Just a vague mention of her parents.

If this Mary-Sue was sticking around, this was going to be a long… _long_… case.

I am not held responsible for nausea or vomiting from the Mary-Sue. Sorry if she was too Sue-ish. There's just so many Sues out for L and Light, I had to parody it…

Oh, and rate and review. Or Tamayayukisakura will eat you at night 3

Hopefully Dear Diary will update soon, once I get passed my writer's block.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sue is Justice**

**By: Luunna**

Summary: CHAPTER TWOOOO!!! D Sorry guys, I was at Cadet Camp for the past three weeks But now I'm back. And I hope the page breaks actually, y'know, _work_ this time. I've been toying with the idea of a Fatal Frame/Ouran crossover fic. Already got chapter 1 done and it's on my computer now, just need to edit it some. I've tried to make it a believable cross, so only the twins will get a big part. The rest of the Hosts will be searching for them after they go missing. The intro's a LOT like Fatal Frame 2, but the rest will be different! I swear it will be! Certain aspects will remain nearly unchanged (like the intro) to keep with the actual feel of the game, but I will probably be making new ghosts, plot points and whatnot. My question is, should I bother posting it up on Or should I keep it to myself?

Ouin- Lulz xD Glad that pleased you.

Furvacatta- Aww, thanks I don't mind a'tall. Go ahead and do a Death Note one, I think you'd do a good job.

Kawaii- What's OMK? xDD Glad you think it's awesome.

Marisa-San- I'm glad you enjoyed it D Yes, when I was planning this, I vowed that L had to stay himself while he was shut up with everyone else acting OOC.

Maker-San- Seriously? It's that funny? xD I'm so happy so many people enjoy it this much.

Scaff- Sorry, that part was written in a glimpse of Light's point of view. Should've explained that Sorry about the confusion, but I'm glad you liked it 3

SayWah- Glad you liked it too xD As I said before, I vowed he would be watching all this unchanged. And I tried to embody all of the cliché Sue elements into her for the first chapter and next is more Death Note specific stuff.

Determined- Cute, eh? That's a new one xD Glad I brought joy into your otherwise dreary life. Well, not really. Just kind of felt like saying that.

Kazumi- I wanna watch the burning! D Fun for the whole family! And I have other plans for Ryuk. Evil laughter

Renodori- Well, I'm glad I made your life xD I am not paying for your tea, though. I am not held responsible for lost beverages resulting from reading the Sue. I like that line as well.

Legndz- Don't hurt yourself! xD Don't worry, I'll continue this for awhile now.

Dull.Moonlight- Darn, I should've made her a fangirl self-insert! That would've been great! Glad you love the fanfic, and the peeling of carrots award.

Deathnotefan- I'm glad you liked it )

Oh, and for kicks, I translated Tama's name through a baby name site. With translating all the names separately, it means Jewelyablessingcherryblossom. With the Ya, the closest I could find was Yaa, which is African for Born on a Thursday. So with that, it'd be Jewelbornonathursdayblessingcherryblossom. Someone's parents loved their little girl… xD

WARNING: HUGE PLOT TWIST AHEAD LOLOLOLOLZ.

Death Note © Viz Media, Tsugumi Ohba, Takeshi Obata, and… uh… A bunch of other people who aren't me. Leave me alone.  
This story © Me/Luunna

Horrible Sue © Me/Luunna

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"Leon!"

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times… My name is NOT Leon."

L was starting to get rather frustrated with this girl. And to get the great detective angry was a feat to accomplish. He pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation. This had only gone on for the past three days, and already L was sick and tired of the annoyingly perfect girl. If she made a mistake, it seemed only L noticed when time was rewound and Tamayayukisakura changed her course of action to prevent said mistake. When he asked her about it, she acted like she had no idea of what he was talking about. And her stupid act was more than convincing.

She seemed to grow tired of L and flitted off to Light. "Light, I need to talk to you privately." Tamayayukisakura then dragged off Light, who seemed to turn into a mere vegetable at the prospect of physical contact with the girl. That was another problem. Light's "condition" was getting worse by the day. That infernal Mary-Sue was all he talked about. _She's so perfect, she's so smart, she's so beautiful, she's so talented, she's so funny, she's so kind…_

L suspected this obsession of Light's would haunt him to his grave. Or put him into an early one if he decided to kill himself.

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"Light, I have a secret to tell you." Tamayayukisakura said after taking him up to her room and magically disabling all of the cameras in the room without L noticing. Because she's that good.

"What is it?" Light suddenly was switched from "Crushing Schoolboy" mode to "Caring teen boy" mode. Both were wildly out-of-character for him.

Tamayayukisakura ignored this and confided in him, "I can see Ryuk." She pointed to where he stood. "I have the Shinigami eyes."

Light gasped at all of this surprising new info. "ORLY? PLOT TWIST!" He exclaimed. To this day, noone has been able to unveil the answer to the question, 'How the hell did Light manage to say Orly as an actual word?'

"Eh?!" Ryuk, who seemed asleep or something through the entire first chapter, stared down at the girl. "How do you have the Shinigami eyes?"

Tamayayukisakura's eyes watered again. "Daddy, why don't you remember me?" She asked as she started to weep for no adequately explained reason. Light glared back at Ryuk and slapped him in the face. Ryuk started to sob his apologies while questioning mentally whether or not there was some kind of law against shinigamis having sexual relationships with other shinigamis or humans.

Tamayayukisakura pulled out a black notebook from god knows where and showed it for all to see. The cover was branded with a white heart. It was a wimpy looking one, but it was a Death Note nonetheless. "My mother was a human who had one of your Death Notes before Light. You fell in love with her and I was born."

"Eh?" Ryuk was thoroughly confused until the OOC waves infected him. "Now I remember sweetie!!" He was suddenly a caring father. Again, quite odd for him. Ryuk soon entirely forgot the thought of the law preventing Shinigami to have sexual relationships with anything. "I've missed you so much, Tamayayukisakura!" He gave her a big hug and everyone was happy. Yes, even the people who weren't there were happy. Though they had no idea why and were slightly confused.

"Light… I know you're Kira." Light didn't seem too concerned, when normally he would've just killed her to keep the secret. "I want to help. I want to be the Third Kira."

Unlike Misa, who he couldn't trust, Light seemed to have no arguments with this and didn't even think that the Second would object to a Third Kira. _In fact,_ he thought, _Who's Misa?_

At this moment, Misa was walking across the street to the tower of Ryuzaki to visit Light and got hit and killed by a truck. Nobody seemed to care, as her body remained on the street for quite sometime for the children to throw rocks at and Rem seemed apathetic as well, because Light never heard from her again.

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The next day, Tamayayukisakura came downstairs. As she did so, L noticed her hair shorten and magically turn brown. How was that even _physically possible? _Just a second ago her hair was long and a whitish blond shade. Now it was a chocolate brown fountain of hair stretching down to the nape of her neck…

Gah, there was that descriptiveness again!! L wondered if this would work on himself… He started to picture himself and awaited the thoughts to come.

L. Black hair. Gray eyes.

…

That was a bit depressing. Not only was the description pathetic, but his eyes were black. Not gray. The entire task force save for L swarmed around her as though they'd never seen her before. Each were greeting her separately, but with equal enthusiasm to each other.

L Lawliet wondered how long he'd remain the only sane Task Force member.

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Alright, I know that sucked, but please bear with me R & R? And tell me your opinions on my plot idea up thar :B


	3. Chapter 3

**Sue is Justice**

**By: Luunna**

Summary: OSHIT LOOK OVER THAR IT'S CHAPTER 3 D: Yeah, so it's up with some delay Shot OKAY A LOT OF FUCKING DELAY Dx My Silent Hill and Resident Evil obsessions took over my mind… I love Harry Mason 3 BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS I'm back with a new sense of humor and hopefully fresh material. Like Magical Trevor. MAGICAL TREVOR IS TEN TIMES AS SLICK AS THE LAST TIME THE LAST TIME YOU SAW 'IM NOW YOU CAN SEE WHY WE REALLY ADORE HIM… Now to reviews:

Peanuckle- Not likely, but perhaps. Light may be too far gone… :[

Shin-Ora- Yes, there are often times I read a Sue fanfic just to giggle at the Mary Sue xD AND ARE YOU CALLING TAMAYAYUKIBLAHBLAHBLAH DUMB?! SHE'LL BE FUCKING FURIOUS DD

Determined- Did I break your brain? I hope I did.

Eodaiya- Whoa. A golden fountain? HURRAH THAT SHIT'S GOIN ON EBAY

Pookie776- -Rides in on a white stallion-

SonokoTao- L keeps her at bay with his own perfection. Though Matsu is probably her second target. And he doesn't stand a chance D:

Death-Nerd- IT'S BECAUSE I THROW BABIES INTO VOLCANOES FOR FUN ON THE WEEKENDS

Spinningisfun- I'm glad you think so : D

JaeLae- I'm glad you enjoy it that much! Oo I never thought I would garner this much praise from my writing. As for her name, I just took a bunch of Azn sounding names/syllables, smushed them together and threw Sakura at the end.

Niram- You gave me ideas : O YOU ARE GAWWWD O THA NEW WUUURRRLD And yes, a heart. IT NEEDS TO BE SUPAH UBER KAWAII AND DESU

Maker-chan- In my opinion, that was one of my favorite parts too xD I'm glad there were as many people as myself who liked it. I've actually seen a lot of Suethors describe L as having gray eyes, when they are very clearly black. So I thought I'd make fun of that. Anyways, thank you for your compliments!!

Synonymous Brian- You hate me right now, don't you? ;A;

TriggerHappyAntagonist- Can I say your username is SUPER? XD NEWAYZ HEER U GO

Elektrick City- YOU THINK SO?! I'm glad: D

NOW THEN FOR YOUR IRREGULARILY SCHEDULED PARODY

Screw disclaimers, they're on this story twice already [

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"I haven't seen Misa lately, Light." L perched on the couch in what small lounge the Task Force had. He munched on some Yan-Yan, swirling the chocolate icing inside with one of the included cookie sticks before lifting it and crunching down on his snack. "Have you?"

Light stared at him blankly. "Who?"

"…" L stopped moving and raked his eyes over the teenage boy, long and hard. "Misa Amane. Blond hair, Gothic Lolita fashion model…" Clearly, L's descriptions weren't helping, as Light's face just looked incredibly confused. Or, as seen in the last chapter, L just was horrible at describing things.

"That's not a very good description. Doesn't sound like my lovely Tamayayukisakura at all." Light sighed just at saying the name and his face took on a dreamlike quality. L rolled his apparently gray eyes.

Biting down on some more Yan Yan, L decided to make things much simpler. "Your girlfriend?"

Light's face suddenly looked enraged as he awoke from his daydreams. It took on a frightening scowl that looked like he might just leap across the table and strangle poor L. "HOW **DARE** YOU ACCUSE ME OF LOVING ANYONE OTHER THAN TAMAYAYUKISAKURA!! I HOPE TO ONE DAY MANIPULATE A SHINIGAMI INTO KILLING YOU WITH A HEART ATTACK!" Light slammed his fists on the glass coffee table and shattered the glass, but with his manly strength, managed not to sever his hands in doing so. He stormed off and L stared blankly, wondering what in the name of Sherlock Holmes just happened.

L wondered on Light's words a moment while absentmindedly stirring the thick chocolate icing with another stick. He was very specific, after all, and it warranted at least a five percent increase in Light Yagami's suspicion. Of course, he could just use the student's words as a confession. But then he would have to go to prison and Tamayayukisakura would be sad. And nobody wanted that. So L would just have to let it slide-

…

…

L's thoughts stopped themselves immediately, dying where they had been born. His Yan Yan cup clattered to the floor and he clutched his head.

There was no way he could take much more of this.

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Tamayayukisakura had seen Light storm out and stopped him. She asked him to go with her to the park, take a walk and calm down a bit. He refused at first, but her stormy gray eyes seemed to glow with compassion. He forgot all about his intellectual chess game with L and the fact that if he left L would probably grow suspicious and couldn't say no.

They walked across the street, but in doing so, Tamayayukisakura's spiked heels crunched against something noisily. "What was that?" She asked Light, but both continued on their merry way when they saw it was only Misa. Or to Light, some girl's disgustingly mangled body.

The blood from her perfect shoe was gone when they reached the park. Everything was utterly stunned at Tamayayukisakura's beauty and perfection. Small birds perched on her shoulders or collided with stationary objects mid-flight while staring at her. Guys stared at her and girls instantly were either jealous of her perfect beauty or wanted to be her BFF. Trees twisted on their roots, but no one really seemed to notice this impossibility. The half-Shinigami girl only giggled to maintain her chastity and smiled at the birds, oddly reminiscent of Snow White.

Light led her to a bench and sat down, holding her hand as she did the same. A nearby rock wished her perfect foot may land on it, but was very disappointed when they sat. Light, who seemed to know what the rock was thinking with his telepathy or something, glared at the rock. "You will never have her, for she is MY love!!" He screamed at it, gaining some odd looks. Oh, Light. You and your shenanigans.

"I wonder what Leon's doing right now?" Tamayayukisakura pondered. Somewhere in Spain, Leon S. Kennedy was killing some angry Spaniards and cringing at another annoying girl saying his name over and over.

Light scoffed. "Who cares about that jerk?"

"Why don't you like him?"

"He's a jerk and smells like pee. Besides, I totally saw him ogling your ass yesterday, so now he's my rival in love." Light must have imagined this, because L avoided Tamayayukisakura like the plague. At all times.

AND SUDDENLY, some guy grabbed Tamayayukisakura's sweet ass. Even though they were sitting on a bench. But it's okay, because everyone at the park booed him for such inappropriate behavior towards innocent Tamayayukisakura and Light used his judo skills to flip him over and slam him to the sidewalk. Everyone cheered when the man started to bleed all over the walkway, even the rock.

"My hero!!" Tamayayukisakura clinged to Light who once again turned into a complete buffoon as she hugged him. Before they went home, Light spotted a puddle. "OH NOES!!" Being the caring young man he is, Light didn't want his love's dainty feet to be wet from the tiny, shallow puddle. Tamayayukisakura thought he was going to put his coat down in an attempt at chivalry or even lead her around it, but instead threw himself onto the ground overtop of it. All the same, Tamayayukisakura blushed, giggled and stepped on his back to get across. Aww.

Though Ryuk wasn't present through this segment. He had gone to buy a birthday present for Tamayayukisakura, regardless that her birthday wasn't anytime soon. He picked up his purchase, a small stuffed carrot, and made his way to the cashier, who was puzzled to see a floating carrot approach him. When he thought he should perhaps lay off the drugs, a piece of paper floated up and poked him. This revealed Ryuk's horrifying appearance, and caused the cashier to scream and run away. The shinigami shrugged and flew off with his stuffed carrot.

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When they got back to the tower, L was still in his distraught position, head in his hands. Light went off to do… something… and Tamayayukisakura sat down beside L. "What's wrong Leon?"

L didn't answer, or even move. He was so sick of this girl. She put a hand on his shoulder. Still no response.

"Leon?" Light walked down the stairs and glared at L.

"STOP HARASSING MY HONEY MUFFIN!!" He yelled at L. Light grabbed Tamayayuki's hand and yanked her away. Light brought himself down to L's level, though the detective didn't lift his face. "That's how it's gonna be, huh?! You want my girlfriend for yourself?!" Tamayayukisakura was too stunned to defend L from the accusations, and L was too busy retaining his sanity to point out that all she was doing was comforting him, and that it was unwanted. "Well FINE THEN! I'll kill you next time!!" Light smashed his fists into the glass coffee table again, shattering it for a second time, and stomped off like the little angst monkey he's become. Tamayayukisakura was hot on his heels again.

L remained where he was for a long time. Matsuda dropped by with cake and coffee in an attempt to cheer him up, but L now just munched on the vanilla-strawberry cake glumly. He was losing now. L had to find some way to come back on top, to fight against this Mary-Sue.

That's when that ad caught his eye.

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LOL CLIFFHANGER.

No really, I'll definitely try and update more often from now on, now that I'm passed my monster writer's block.

SO R&R?!


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